I started reading this book "Power" by Kemi Nekvapil, and whilst it is early days a lot of what I have read so far resonates with me, as a woman. Many of you know me as a woman who works actively in creating an even playing field for women, in their careers, in their family lives, relationships and social circles. Over the years a lot of the sadness, anger, anxiety and depression I have seen and worked with have all come back to feeling overwhelmed and powerless. I too have experienced this, far too often and far to recently (hence feeling drawn to this book!) Early on in the piece, Kemi unpacks power and what power is and looks like from various angles, and she speaks to her experiences in learning to understand different types of power. One thing she does really well, is how she distinguishes between Power Over and Power Within. You see, the literature talks about mainly 3 different types of power - Power Over, Power With, Power To. Power Within is a newer concept. The power we are most accustomed to is Power Over. Power Over is the energy that drives the world - it is the kind of power your boss has, or the power a bully has. It is the power behind wars, and the power we see in racial and gender disparity. In this realm, power is seen as a commodity - a limited resource bestowed upon only a few deemed worthy or strong enough to have gained it, and for one to gain it another has to relinquish it. It has been around for centuries and written about since before the 18th century. We see it in all areas of life and as women we experience it in all areas of life - at work with our colleagues and managers, at home with our partners and kids, in our social circles with our girlfriends. Don't see it? Have a think - Have you ever been in a situation at work where your were reminded of the 'reasonable request clause', or did not ask for what you need because you did not feel worthy? Have you ever submitted or resentfully agreed to an important household decision because you felt like the lesser in terms of contributing to the joint finances, labour or other areas both you and your partner generally contribute to? Or told the kids in response to a "Why" - "because I said so" - (Complete powershift here by the way!) What about your girlfriends... is there that one friend you will bend over backwards to please? Or, the one friend you just feel you'll never be good enough for? All of these situations are examples of Power Over and the are related to stories that go back to our earliest days. Stories in the sense of beliefs and ideas we have about this world and ourselves and where and how we fit into it. These are stories and beliefs that sound like: "This (opportunity/reward/right) is not meant for me" "Other people are more important than I am"
"Women's work is mostly to nurture and make others feel good and strong, (regardless of how that makes me feel)" "To be a good mother I need to make sure my kids are happy (all the time)" "To be a worthy partner I need to make sure my partner is happy (all the time)" "I don't deserve this because..." "I can't rock the boat because..." We walk around with these stories and beliefs because they have become part or who we are, but they are not always serving us well. By holding onto these we are conceding at times when we need to have our needs met and we are allowing others to have Power Over us. If you are reading this, chances are that at some point in your life you have felt overpowered, overwhelmed, powerless and maybe even small and insignificant. You may even be feeling it now and looking for a way out, a solution to return to a state of equilibrium and regain a sense of control. So how do we change it? We change it by focussing on the Power Within. By being present and aware, owning who we are and acknowledging our own worth unapologetically we can realise and release our Power Within. If you want to know how to do this feel free to check back, subscribe to these blog posts, follow the IG or FB page and read along, as I will be writing a bit more on this topic over the coming weeks. If you can't wait that long and want support now, reach out and book a connection call, let's have a chat on how to get you on track to harness your inner power and start living the life you want to live.
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