Many of you may have read, seen or heard of the unprecedented riots ravaging through South Africa this past week. You might have heard names of places such as Johannesburg, Gauteng, Pietermaritzburg, Kwazulu Natal or KZN.. To millions globally these places are unfamiliar or maybe vaguely familiar as Johannesburg is one of the two only places Internationals seem to recognize when the have conversations with me trying to pinpoint where I am from, but to the 10s, 100s or even 1000s living and working in your office, sitting in your class or participating in your local community, these places resemble home. I invite you to recall your warmest childhood memories - it could be the smell of freshly baked bread, or a warm cup of coffee (South African kids grow up on this stuff!), it could be riding your bicycle through the neigbourhood with your best friend feeling your face freeze over and ears go numb on an chilly winter morning or it could be catching a movie with your first crush being aware of everything and nothing all at the same time! Were those memories easy to recall? What did you see in your mind's eye? What did you hear, smell maybe even feel? That is what I mean when I say a place resembles home. For many expats, as we are called, these recollections - the local bakery down the road, the coffee shop (tuisnywerheid) on the corner, or cinema in town we visited with or first crush and the buildings that used to house them are being destroyed in a wave of riots and looting that seems to make no sense to anyone apart from those actioning it. Right now, at this very moment a South African in your office, in your classroom, in your suburb, in your street or in your home even, is being inundated by social media posts and messages containing very graphic images from loved ones, friends and family.
The psychological impact of this is enormous. Whether you left the country 1 week ago, 1 year ago, 5 years ago or even 15 years, ago you are vulnerable to be experiencing a gamut of emotions associated with what we clinically refer to as grief and loss, or bereavement. There may be feelings of shock, denial, blame, anger, resentment, intense sadness, bargaining (which is evident based on all the posts and videos of prayers circulating) because of intense worry and fear for loved ones, and even guilt. Guilt for leaving and not 'fighting the good fight', guilt for leaving loved ones who are now in grave danger not just from COVID but from a state of unrest that could walk through their front door at any moment, guilt for having a 'good life' which for many South African migrants means first and foremost safety and freedom followed by the ability to provide a future for their children. To explain this to someone who has not experienced this is a challenge, and to respond to someone feeling this is a challenge of equal proportions.
Today, if you work with a South African Colleague: Be aware of these things, Be a little kinder,
Be a little more understanding, Give your colleague space and time,
Assure them you are there if they want to talk, but don't assume they do.
Don't ask: "What is happening in your country?" Instead say: "I see there is a lot of violence in South Africa, I am here if you want to talk"
Today, if you have a South African student in your class,
You can expect any behaviour consistent with a child whose parents have suffered a significant loss because this student has parents who talk about what is happening 'back home' and they are worried about Oma & Opa, their cousins and friends they may still remember fondly.
Be aware of these things, Be a little kinder,
Be a lot understanding,
Have buckets of patience And give your student space and time,
Assure them you are there if they want to talk, but don't assume they do.
Today, if you are a South African that is being affected by this if you are feeling sad, angry, confused, relieved, guilty, helpless or lost.
Know this is normal - grief and loss comes and goes in waves and not one of us experiences it in the same way or at the same time despite having similar feelings
Trust you did the best you could at every point in your journey
Be a little kinder, to yourself
Be a little kinder to your partner, and your children
Before you act today, this week: stop. take a breath. observe and acknowledge the feeling, and proceed with care towards yourself and others.
If you need to talk, reach out - talk to a friend, a family member or a professional. Even in lockdown restrictions or with busy workschedules, support is available, you just need to find it.
*If you need assistance with navigating this for yourself or a loved one, or would like to have a chat, reach out via our social pages, or contact us, we have a range of accessible services including online, text and email counselling support.
**If you need urgent support after hours, call LIFELINE on 13 11 14
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