Many of you like me would have woken or come home to mobile news alerts, social media post and television news coverage of the latest developments between Russia and the Ukraine. Whilst tensions have been simmering for a while we have been distracted mostly by our daily tasks and chores with paying little attention as there was not much attention to be paid, however as the younger generations say "Sh!+ just got real" - and it is almost unavoidable.
The timing literally could get any worse - we are just coming out of the other end of a two year long pandemic and facing what is widely 'tweeted' as the start of World War 3.
Many of us have been running on cortisol and adrenaline for the past 24 months, we have faced restrictions, shortages, illness, loss, judgement, uncertainty and fear of the unknown consistently day in and day out , for some without a break, and now just as you begin to adapt and start formulating a new way of looking ahead you are smacked in the face with yet another inescapable big blow.
Let's face it the images publised are distressing. The news reports of every country piling on sanctions possibly further agitating the situation, how the stock market is being affected and what this will mean for the price of fuel and consumerism is worrying. No one wants to volunteer for this. I too had a look at the television screen in disbelief and could only manage to utter two powerless sentences:
"I hate the live coverage...." (because I was overcome with intense sadness)
"I want a refund" (because this is not the future I dreamed of when I was 7, 12, 18, 24 and holding my first baby, 30 or 40 and I don't particularly want to live through a pandemic and what is happening now)
The thing is, I can't stop the war (no more than I could the pandemic), I can't stop the live coverage, and I definitely can't get a refund!! The reason (besides not having bought something) is that none of this is IN my Control. It is all OUT of my control.
So now what I hear you say?
Now we take a moment.
We take time to acknowledge how we are feeling. I over the course of two hours this morning felt : sad, tired, angry, despondent, frustrated, scared, hopeless and did I mention incredibly sad.
We identify each feeling as it comes to visit. Acknowledging where I am feeling it. What it looks like, and how it moves around my body with curiousity.
We identify the thoughts that accompany these feelings. What they sound like, what they are saying, what they are trying to achieve.
We take some time to thank these thoughts, and feelings for trying to keep me safe. (After all the purpose of fear is to ultimately keep me safe) and acknowledge them for what they are - thoughts and feelings. They are a part of me but not all of me. I have hair - yet I am more than hair, I have fingers and still am more than fingers. I have thoughts and feelings and am more than my thoughts and feelings.
We take a few deep breaths.....
and then we choose to re-focus on what is IN our Control.
How does this translate?
For me, for instance, this morning I gave myself time to feel (literally - I timed it, to the minute) and then I took a few deep belly breaths, recollected my thoughts about what was in my control and set about my day.
I can't stop a war - but I can share love and kindness, by listening to someone else, or giving way in my usual morning traffic.
I can't stop devastation - but I can spread a few seeds of hope, and I can help rebuild emotionally for people affected by what is going on, by sharing my experience, knowledge and skills. I may even pray for the people affected deeply by what is going on.
I can't stop the live coverage - but I can choose what to watch or click on. If there is something I really need to know about what is going on the information WILL get to me. I can choose who I talk to and what I talk about.
I can't protect my children - but I can limit their exposure, talk to them about their feelings, an make them feel safe.
I can't get a refund on a life filled with fear and unment expectations an uncertain world , but I can choose to move into the direction of the person I want to be in this scary and uncertain world. For me that is a person who chooses hope and one who is supportive, kind and just -even when the world is not.
There are little things we can do to contain the amount of trauma we are exposed to in the coming days and weeks. That being said it would be close to impossible to completely avoid it. If you find yourself sinking into what feels like quicksand of despair, don't wait for it to pass. If we have learned one thing is that things will pass in time, but time is a construct not in my control. Please reach out and talk to someone. If you are unsure please send contact us to schedule a call, and we'll figurie out together if you need some extra support.
*This article is not intended to replace therapy.
**If you feel triggered or need support immediately please reach out to Lifeline on 13 14 11
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